I was having a conversation with Chicadee last night. I was explaining that parenting is a fine balance of trying to protect our kids and trying to give them freedom and the opportunity to learn things for themselves.
This came about because of several different things, but the one point of this particular conversation was that she began an account on a texting app without me knowing. After joining, she accepted a connection from a person who showed up as someone that went to her school. Because she didn’t recognize their name, she asked who they were and if they would send a picture of their face so she could recognize them. This then turned into this person, supposedly a young man in 8th grade, asking her to send pictures of her and a mention of boobs being in the picture. Even before I knew anything about this she shut down the account and deleted the app from her phone.
So we were having a conversation about when I tell her “no” about things it’s not that I’m trying to keep her from enjoying things. I explained that there truly are things I want to protect her from. I also explained that I want her to experience the fun things every child should experience and to have some freedom to hang out with friends and such. We had to discuss how her hiding things from me or lying about stuff just leads to a really bad relationship. It leads to us not being able to trust anything she tells us.
She made the profound statement the other day, “Parenting is like trying to keep an endangered wild animal. You are just trying to protect them and keep them alive and help them have a good life, and all they want is to get out and be wild.”
I shared with her that when you become a parent you don’t suddenly get blessed with all the knowledge of how to do things. You have to figure it out as you go and every child is different. I went on to explain that even if you do get it all figured out with one kid, it will be completely different with the next one. We certainly have a menagerie of personalities as far as our kids go.
I asked her to please trust when I tell her “no,” that it truly is for good reason and to not hide things from me. I certainly don’t want her to feel like a caged animal. She took her discipline well and apologized for the bad choices she made. We prayed together before she went to bed.
I’m reminded of times that I’ve shared the same thing with our oldest who is all grown up now. There’s a specific time when I had to apologize to him because I over reacted. I thought he wasn’t where he was supposed to be. He wasn’t answering his phone. The phone locator was not showing up where he should’ve been. After a while of trying to contact him, I contacted the people he was with, said I was coming to get him. I picked him up in a hurry and took him home.
The other parents compared me to a Bond movie, driving up, swinging the door open, him jumping in, the door closing and me speeding off. He was so upset. What had really happened is he left his phone in the parents vehicle so that it would not get damaged or lost while they rode rides at the fair. I truly had to own up to making a mistake and over reacting. It was a great lesson for me to learn: to be more responsive than reactive not just in my parenting, but in other relationships. I needed to trust him more. This incident led to many more open conversations.
Side Note: A couple weeks ago he texted me and told me how much he appreciated me and how sorry he was for not saying that more often.
I also had a conversation yesterday with kids about how we love each other even when we make mistakes, even when we don’t like the behavior of someone in our family, we STILL love them and recognize their strengths and good qualities.
I said all that to ask this here: Are you the type of parent that admits these things to your kids? Do you admit that you don’t have it all figured out? Do you admit when you make a mistake? Do you apologize when necessary? Maybe you have it all figured out, don’t make mistakes, and have no reason to ever apologize. Maybe I apologize too much, I have been told this. Maybe I look weak to my kids when I admit this stuff or apologize.
I believe that our kids need to know that we make mistakes too and that it IS ok. I believe that they need to know that we do NOT have it all figured out and are doing the best we can, because I feel they can relate to that.
What do you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
The pictures in today’s blog are by Matthew Wonderly Photography
The pictures were taken at Studio 215 in Fayetteville, NC
Keri SoVery... 
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